Well that was a big waste of time with the breakfast tray as I ended up rejigging most of it but it least it saved me a bit of a job. When I say a bit, I mean about 10 seconds!

Right, let’s review last night’s drunken internet shopping damage:
2 sun loungers with a cute little table;
6 crystal wine glasses to match the 2 new ones that arrived this week but probably don’t match the original set; and

Raffle tickets for the Shropshire house one of my besties would love. Oh God, I hope I don’t win as I will feel obliged to give it to her now.

That shopping haul is really bad but there were also some near misses as I forgot to press the button: A crate of wine; Several summer dresses for our March 2021 St Lucia trip; More wine glasses – seriously, I don’t have ANY room in the cupboard as it is; and a yellow fancy pen to match my favourite dress and this season’s on trend colour.

I’m thinking that I very nearly spent the same as I actually spent so when Dave reads this – I’ve not admitted it yet so just figuring out how and when to drop it into the conversation in a very casual way, relying on his incredibly poor memory to help me out for once! – my logic will be as follows. I have actually spent £x and very nearly spent £x so therefore have saved us £x using the definition of savings equals monies not spent which I have duly put towards the £x I actually spent so haven’t really spent anything at all. Apparently, this is double entry book keeping! That’s right, isn’t it??

I’ve already mentioned that WTF was especially designed for our current leader of the free world but that needs to be extended to WTAF. He is a very dangerous man and an actual lunatic. Fancy announcing that injecting disinfectant is a cure for Covid-19. That was certainly not sarcasm it was stupidity of the highest degree.

Thankfully the sun is shining but I’ve first got the scary job of going to the post office to send back our ill-fitting freezer drawers and pick up a script from the pharmacy before my chilling in the garden can begin. It was part of the chore swap negotiations from Dave’s lovely gesture last night. We did a quick compare contrast on doing the jobs on a Friday night or Saturday morning and it is definitely worth the extra hour or so on the Friday – especially when Dave does the majority of it (I added quickly before anyone else does).

It is a fact universally acknowledged that British people display amazing queue etiquette without being told. This was perfectly demonstrated in the queue outside the post office as everybody was keeping 2 metres apart. Perfect.

That was until a typical middle-aged Didsbury dad came within a couple of inches of me pushing a pram with a toddler walking at the side. He gave me the fright of my life as he wafted from behind me and I couldn’t help myself by saying, “2 metres, people!!” I clearly said it a bit too loud as he heard me he then turned around and yelled, “Well f@@@@@@ move then!” I channeled my inner fish wife – thank goodness it wasn’t my inner Helen Mirran – and counter yelled that I didn’t know he was there as he came from behind. I really do hope that the toddler tells his wife that daddy used a very naughty word to a lady with 2 big boxes so he gets into lots of trouble. Get thee to the naughty step!

To be fair, I could have stood in a slightly better place but he only had to ask. Obviously, as this was a very British queue, people just completely ignored the fracas as if it hadn’t happened and I was left with my mortification for a few minutes before I got to the front.

Apparently, according to our post master, Alex, he has had about 30 freezer drawers being returned in the last month compared to one every now and again. How funny! I guess that’s lockdown for you!

I had a wonderful 10 minutes in the car by myself charging the battery listening to the laugh out loud funny, Jonny Vaughan, and singing very loudly. It felt like such a treat but there were tonnes and tonnes of people out in Didsbury. It was almost like a normal Saturday with crowded pavements and very little space to pass. It was just so wrong and I get that I was also out but Im classing mine as essential? Plus, I was keeping social distancing, well trying to.

We know Captain Tom is walking to raise money but that’s round his garden not on the high street. It’s a colossal £28m as at today. People, the official death count is now over 20k people. Let’s all think a bit more.

I was very reassured by the police helicopter circling at tea time. See, normality is returning! They were either looking for criminals, stolen cars or, the new one to the lockdown list, gatherings! Not sure if you’ve seen Early Doors but we giggled about the police helicopter being used for kids’ parties. Like a loon, I waved at them and gave a thumbs up too.

Flicking through the paper, I’ve now warned Dave that one time when he comes back from his lads’ holiday, the whole house will have been remodelled. I also confessed that after his car crash the other year, the only silver lining I had in my desperate attempt to keep calm on the traumatic taxi ride to the hospital was to realise I could do the house the way I wanted to in the event he popped off. Thankfully he is still very much with us but that fireplace and big lounge table won’t be when I get my way.

My List: It’s a bit bigger today so deserves its own list!
  • Aaah, Emmy, the main character in my Dear Mrs Bird book has found love again after her fiance ditched her by telegram. One of the main characters died and I nearly burst into tears in the garden so had to compose myself. I finished the book and would give it 5 stars.
  • My new book is The Woman Who Stole my Life by Marian Keyes and it’s started well already.
  • A few of the cryptic crossword puzzle clues. Seriously, I don’t understand them even with the answers!
  • Binge watched my new favourite, Modern Family.
  • Watched a film dvd – Once Upon a Time in the Midlands – it had a brilliant cast but the film was a bit rubbish.

My Lowlight: Oh, noooooooo! The accordion player is back but at least they are not playing twinkle twinkle little star. Thank heavens for small mercies.

My Highlight: Yay – I can now get into my yellow & orange pleated skirts – FFS they are see through and I hadn’t noticed! I’ll need to lose another half a stone to allow for an underskirt!

My Anxiety Level:  Low and chilled.


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