For the first time in ages, I woke up quite anxious and was convinced I’d been having very funny dreams but, as with the vast majority of my dreams, just can’t remember them. I think I’d gone to sleep a bit distracted as one of my closest friends was panicking about her parents all weekend to the point of tears and it had probably rubbed off.
Our situations are very similar in as much that we are very close to our parents but they live a bit too far away to drive by and check on their well-being. I realised I’ve got my head well and truly in the sand and have been pushing the levels of stress away but it was bubbling under the surface today, not helped by the impending doom of my contract likely to be ending at the end of April.
My parents were always very keen to make sure my sister and I were well educated and wanted to make sure we bettered ourselves compared to what they had achieved. My mum, especially, encouraged us, not in a pushy parent way, to be independent so we could always stand on our own two feet and not have to rely on anyone.
I’ve always thought this was brilliant but, especially in today’s madness, there’s a big part of me that wished they hadn’t helped me, I hadn’t had so much drive and we still lived round the corner so I could look after them instead of the neighbours.
This Covid-19 crisis is a great leveller for my parents as they are in the same boat as everyone else so no need to be sad as the Jones’ are off on their 2nd Caribbean holiday of the year after a cruise along the Nile, a trip to the Algarve and a spot of skiing in the middle whilst their house is being renovated by the very reliable workmen. I know, I lost credibility when I said the very reliable workmen – a step too far! They seem to be handling this more calmly than me – I just don’t think I’m handling it very well at all today.
Boris going into intensive care today literally sent me over the edge and made this incredibly real. Come on, if the Prime Minister cannot be protected, this is about as serious as it gets. Unfortunately this all spilled over and, for the first time in a long time, I sobbed to my parents to make sure they really understood the dangers this virus brings, especially to older people. I just worry that if they contracted it, they would give it to each other and both pop off.
I can’t bear that though at the best of times, but I know I have to deal with it at some point. To lose them without seeing them for ages or without being able to see them in hospital or say goodbye just absolutely breaks my heart. It’s one thing not being able to bring them a pint of milk and a loaf but this is just too horrendous.
Mini-meltdown over, I slapped myself with a wet fish, so to speak, and we agreed that we’d all be safely through to the other side and having a big family group hug with several glasses of fizz in no time.
On a much brighter note, some colleagues have ordered bedding plants and compost from their local garden centre for delivery to the step, a bit like the milkman, and I think I will do the same for us. It will support the local business and give us something else to do as this lockdown is surely going to be going on for at least another 6 weeks. At least we will have a nice patio to sit on.
On the lockdown in general, I get that the first 3 week block is coming to an end but surely nobody in their right mind thinks this is going to be lifted anytime soon? The media doesn’t help as it gives them something to talk about and keep talking about so keep their rating figures up. Is that a bit cynical?
It’s been reported again that there are lots of naughty people breaking the rules but let’s keep this in perspective – the majority of people are doing the right thing, want to do the right thing and will continue doing the right thing. Tightening up the lockdown rules is not likely to help too much so let’s just use these new police powers to tackle the idiots.
My Parallel Universe: Yet another postponed due to illness pre-Christmas dinner with a dear friend. My diary is going to be chokka block once all this is over.
My List: A very hard but very enjoyable Italian lesson via FaceTime – I must remember to do my homework for next week as I am spectacularly rubbish at this and Italian in general; a few chapters of my new book, Living My Best Li(f)e and loving the 2 main characters with their social media glazed lives; & some general TV from my new favourite spot on the sofa.
My (other) Lowlight – sorry this blog has been so miserable: No exercise at all over the weekend – what a lazy couch potato I am!
My Highlight: I had excellent service from Elemis as I was trying to send a gift to a friend but there was a mix up with the addresses. Don’t you just love it when absolutely nothing is a problem!
My Anxiety Levels: Medium and definitely the highest they have been for a while.
