Well, I must have had my knickers in a right old twist last week as I completely forgot to mention my weight!  I’d lost a pound and this week, it was 2, so it is chip chip chipping away at this fat and inching towards the 41/2 stone mark.

Lock down is doing me a huge amount of good in many ways and I look so much better in my lovely clothes but it’s such a shame that I don’t get to go out to prance about like I do in front of the bedroom mirror.

For a good while now, everything has been relatively stable and the big ups and downs of early lock down have seemed like a long distant memory.  Isn’t it strange how 3 months can feel like an eternity one day and then as quick as the blink of an eye the next!

My biggest upbeat news this week is that the weather finally agreed to be “Goldilocks” enough to go and see my wonderful mum & dad.  Oh, how I’ve missed them and although I speak to them on Face Time most days, it is just not the same as being with them in person.  I felt extra specially blessed as another one of my very close friend’s mum passed away this week and it is so sad.

In many ways, sitting in their garden in the glorious sunshine did feel like an out of body dream sequence, though.  You know the ones where you just can’t quite get to where you are supposed to be even though you are convinced you are in the right place?

Sitting 2 metres apart with no hugging was strange and if you add in that I brought my own chair, lunch, water and didn’t even go to the loo once or leave tipsy, it was even stranger than a dream.

My mum & dad still see a big part of their role to look after their chicks, despite me being over 50 now, so not waiting on me hand and foot or no cuddles was probably just as bizarre for them too.

With all the craziness of Covid-19, demonstrations galore, tearing down/boarding up statues everywhere and the concept that black history is going to be a compulsory subject in school – basically, the world’s gone mad – the bad start to my week seems very trivial.  However, it is my diary so, by definition, it is all about me.

I’d not being put forward for one of the roles that I had applied for that under normal circumstances, I’d have expected a first interview at the very least.  It wasn’t just that I wasn’t put forward for it, the rejection had a tinge of “you’re a bit too old for it” about it as they were looking for somebody with “fin tech” experience which is very much the younger end of the market.

I cannot help but feel that it, whatever it is, is beginning to happen and I am not quite ready to admit I am nearer to retirement than I think.  Logically, I get I have many years left but, emotionally, it’s all together a different story.  It’s that loss of control with people judging me without meeting me and sticking me in the “over 50” box that I just never thought would happen to me.

Oh dear, following on from this comment, my new stronger reading glasses were hand delivered by our super optician and they are brilliant.  Who’d have thought that an additional 0.25 magnification would make such a significant difference so quickly.  I’m currently laughing at my own ridiculousness and not sure if this is just my general state of mind but I suspect all this age talk is not helping my mental health – see, I am still down with the kids!

My list:  TV once again this week was full of the usual suspects but I stumbled across a fascinating programme on Freemasons.  I can’t explain why but I was mesmerised at all the terribly old fashioned nonsense and the schoolboy antics.  Although there are 2 women’s lodges, they call each other “Brother”, which sort of defeats the object.  I am going to stick with my rule that if I am not welcomed as I am, then I am not going to persuade you to let me join.  Boys will be boys and they are best left alone to their own devices.

I absolutely devoured my new book, Boy Meets Girl by Meg Cabot, and I’m giving it 4.5 stars.  It was a little bit dated as it was written about 2010 but I loved the fact there was very little pretense and the protagonists said they liked each other from the start.  The style was really good fun as the story was told via a collection of e-mails, IM conversations and old-fashioned letters.  It was a tiny bit “rescue-ie” or else it would have scored 5 stars.

My lowlight: To add insult to injury about not flying out to St Lucia – I will let it go eventually, promise – the weather has been shocking much of the time.  Thunder, lightening and humid with some sun.  The irony hasn’t escaped me that this is exactly the same weather as it would have been in the Caribbean.  Plus, one of the cushions for our new sun loungers wasn’t delivered.  Universe, this is all just not funny!

My highlight: Apart from catching up with my mum & dad, the absolute highlight of the week was being sent a thank you present by one of the bigwigs in work with a heartfelt thank you for everything I have done.  I have moved mountains, apparently, so maybe I’m not that rubbish after all!

So, that’s week 12 – it’s quite strange that we have been locked down for 3 whole months.  2 weeks to go until freedom and I am not sure I am quite ready for it but maybe I will be if the lockdown-lifting continues.


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