It doesn’t bode well when you wake up in a high state of anxiety due to bad dreams. I can never usually remember any of my dreams so I’m really cross that my head has decided to remember the awful stuff right now and it’s certainly not the happy stuff.
In my dream, I was walking on a lightly-covered excavated indoor building similar to a church or the John Rylands Library but it’s a good job I’ve lost weigh or else I’d have fallen through. Well, that’s the key theme I remembered and the builders were yelling at me to get to the side, away from the big hole.
I was so distressed as Dave died in my dream but not from falling through the building works but he became skeletal and we had a church service, coffin and everything. I was beside myself when I got out of bed but hid it from Dave until later in when I lost it completely in the kitchen and just sobbed.
The thing that sent me over the edge took me by surprise as it was when the Sainsbury’s man dropped all the shopping off. It was a great socially distanced delivery but the physical presence of the bags in the kitchen and on the worktops sent me properly demented. I kid you not – I was on the verge of a panic attack and could feel an ocular migraine brewing as I was scrubbing the surfaces with antibacterial washing up liquid. These migraines are usually induced by an intense momentary peak in stress and my vision was beginning to go.
Fortunately, Dave just held me, let me breathe him in and stroked my head until I managed to calm down enough to start working again. It didn’t help that I was having a full-on day plus there was also a few deliveries from my selfish purchases over the weekend. I felt shocking – a whole mixture of stress, grief, panic and guilt – all at the same time.
Dave should have known something was wrong as I hadn’t taken him up on the tip-off that the scales were weighing light this morning. We definitely got back to normal very quickly as I was doing a fashion parade in my new dress and he thought it was a new dressing gown!
I’m definitely thinking of not having calls in the nighttime as I’m always on and plugged in so I just don’t think it is very good at all. My poor brain is on over-drive and never decompresses. Easily solved, though but I just need to be disciplined.
My Parallel Universe: Sipping wine in a fancy Lisbon restaurant – never mind, hey!
My List: Modern family; and a couple of chapters of Dear Mrs Bird- that’s it! I can’t want to retire to do all these things in a relaxed atmosphere all day, every day.
My Lowlight: It was announced by Professor Chris that some form of social distancing will be in place until at least the end of the year. Oh, how sad and what will we do? I’m shocked. Nothing more, nothing less – just shocked. There is a small chance of a vaccine during 2020 but nobody is that hopeful. I’m thinking I might have to move my blog to once a week – I’ll be boring myself never mind anyone else! I’m not sure how we can make sure that businesses don’t close forever and the economy survives. I’m not sure our bottle bin can cope with all the fizzy water bottles for much longer.
My Highlight: The lowest credit card bill for years popped through the post today. It’s a combination of good result from bad reasons but Dave was delighted!
