Trying to help someone struggling with addiction is tough. Sometimes it may seem like things are getting better, only to feel like they’ve taken three steps back the next week.
If you feel like you’ve done everything you can to no avail, this blog is for you.
Family members, friends, or partners, listen up: You are not alone. Support for you and those with addiction is available. It’s completely normal for addiction to affect not just the individual but those around them. Seeing someone you love struggle with their situation can be emotionally and physically taxing.
The information in this post should provide help, advice, and tips for those struggling to support someone with an addiction.
Caring for an addict starts with caring for you
When is the right time to seek help?
Well, when someone’s substance use or alcohol abuse starts to affect you or someone else, it’s time to step in. You don’t need to do the diagnosing yourself, but it’s clear that they can’t tackle the problem alone.
However, it’s important to look after yourself within supporting someone else with their road to recovery. Putting yourself first will help you maintain the physical and mental well-being needed to support others.
Supporting someone through struggle
Highlighting boundaries
In order to keep yourself safe and healthy, it’s important to lay out your boundaries. What types of things will you accept and not accept? Be honest, and tell people how you feel, so that everyone is aware of each other’s feelings.
Organise fun, non-drinking activities
You can’t expect someone struggling with addiction to feel at peace heading out for food or drinks with friends. Even walking past a bar or seeing someone else drink could be a trigger.
Scheduling in fun activities that aren’t associated or linked to drinking can be just the positive re-enforcement they need to show them there is more to life.
These activities don’t need to break the bank; it could be something as simple as watching films together during the times where their substance use would typically be at large. The idea isn’t just about filling their time with distractions, but to show that you enjoy spending time with them when they’re sober; that you value them without substance.
However, there is a catch: Only show conditional love – give care and affection only when they’re sober, so that their own self-value becomes associated with sobriety.
Be a positive communicator
While everyone thinks they’re a positive communicator, how many of us actually practice positive communication every day? This skill is integral for supporting an addict but can also be helpful with other relationships. Screaming, shouting, and being passive-aggressive does nothing for anyone and only make’s everyone involved feel worse. This ‘tough love’ approach could also become a serious trigger and lead your loved one to seek out the comfort of substances and alcohol.
When trying to get your point across, it’s better to explain how something makes you feel rather than focusing on the behaviour itself.
Avoid becoming an enabler
When trying to support someone with an addiction, it is easy to remove the consequences for their actions, thereby enabling them to continue. If someone isn’t held accountable or can avoid the consequences of their actions, they have very little reason to change.
Family members need to avoid making up excuses for the person struggling. Try not to clean up after them or pay off their debts; think about the ways you’ve tried to support them in the past: Have these actions of kindness actually enabled them to continue down the wrong path?
If the answer is yes, these are the actions you should focus on. Being a helpful supporter would, for example, be encouraging them to get help for themselves via Rehab Centres or day clinics. If you realise that perhaps you’ve been a little enabling, it’s time to stake stock and switch up your approach.
Take time for yourself
Staying positive, arranging activities, and holding others accountable for their actions is exhausting. Plus, you’ll likely be doing all this while also managing your own career, relationships, and health. Carers need their own support networks who can step in when things get too much: Never think you have to do it all alone and never feel selfish for taking time out to focus on yourself.
Remember that things will get better, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. For someone who is struggling with addiction, you’re that light, and they’ll soon realise just how much you’ve done for them.
